Wow what a week it’s been. I feel like I haven’t written an email like this in awhile which is good, but wow, being a missionary is hard. Like I have said previously, I don’t like to sugarcoat things and make it seem like being a missionary is all sunshine and rainbows because it’s not. It gets really tough at times. Even though it gets tough it’s always 100% worth it. But this week was a difficult one for Elder Grubbs.
Tuesday is what threw the whole week off. Tuesday night we had institute which is always super good! I’ll talk about what I learned a little bit later. Amelia came and afterwards said she wanted to talk to us. She pulled us aside and explained that she had prayed a lot about Joseph Smith and Russell M. Nelson as prophets called of God. When she was in Tennessee visiting her friend she came to the conclusion that she received ‘conviction’ that Joseph Smith and Russel M. Nelson were not and are not prophets called of God. She has been going to another church that is ‘non-denominational’ which basically means it’s a baptist church but that’s a long debate I don’t have time to discuss. But she has been going there and likes it a lot and decided that she isn’t gonna meet with us anymore. She thanked us profusely for everything we have done for her and how nobody has helped her come closer to God than our church. But if she is gonna join a church she wants to be all in and she just can’t do that when she won’t except Joseph Smith, and the word of wisdom, etc. She tried to reassure us and kept saying, “I don’t want you to go home from your mission and years down the road think that you didn’t help anybody. You helped me and changed my life so your mission was successful and you helped me more than you’ll ever know.” Yes that was nice to hear, but I can’t stop thinking in my head: ‘How can you walk away from something that has changed your life so much?’ How do you walk away from the one place that accepted you, that strengthened your relationship with God, that offered you clarity, answers, peace, hope, joy?’
The hardest part of the mission by far is seeing people feel the spirit and change, but only to walk away and go back to the person they were before. I don’t know why but this time it just hurt even more. I poured my heart and soul into every lesson we taught her. I studied scripture after scripture, talk after talk to know how to answer her questions and understand the gospel. She literally told us she knew the Book of Mormon was true and that no other book has made her happier. But she chose to walk away. We went home and I just couldn’t hold back. I was in tears all night. It’s times like those where you cry to Heavenly Father seeking peace and understanding where you grow closer to him. I find myself asking the dangerous question of ‘why?’ But that question usually isn’t answered very quickly. That question can tear you apart. It can reveal cracks for doubt to seep in. Don’t let that happen. Ask, “What can I learn from this experience?” or “How can I grow from this?”. Seeing Amelia change and feel the spirit has been such an amazing experience. Being able to answer all of her questions has strengthened my testimony of the simplicity of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I have loved seeing her read the book of mormon and see her connect all of the dots. I have faith that she will come back. That she will feel something is missing that used to be there. You can find millions of churches that will accept you for who you are and the things you are doing. But only Christ’s true church will expect you to change who you are now to be someone better and work towards your divine potential. This church is not a comfortable church. Christ’s life was never comfortable. Our Father in Heaven loves us so unbelievably much that he doesn’t want us to stay as we are. He wants us to become like him.
At Institute we talked about forgiveness. There are many things that happen to us when we choose either to forgive or not to forgive. When we don’t forgive we retain negative feelings and in turn lose the spirit. Forgiveness is symbiotic with healing. It’s impossible to forgive or be forgiven without receiving some form of healing. Forgiveness can pressure and humble us. It becomes an opportunity to trust in the Lord and have faith in him. In D&C 64:9-11 it talks about the commandment to forgive. We can find comfort in knowing that Christ not only heals the hurt that happens to us but the hurt we cause to others and to ourselves. It must be understood that the debt is already paid. Christ has already paid the price. Forgiveness from the Lord is often misunderstood. We don’t have to earn forgiveness. It’s not something we wait to receive. We are forgiven the moment we ask for forgivenss because the price has already been paid. However, that does not mean the repentance process is over. In order to fully repent, we have to CHANGE. Even though the Lord has forgiven us, we still need to forsake the sin and put in the effort to learn from our mistakes and be changed. If you have trouble forgiving someone, envision those you need to forgive on the cross, or in the Garden of Gethsemane. Those mistakes that were made, those sins that were committed aren’t theirs. They are Christ’s. The debt was bought by the Savior. They are his. If you struggle to forgive yourself please remember that Christ has already suffered for you. Stop trying to pay the debt. He has already been beaten for it.
On Thursday we went out to Canton for exchanges! We did some service at this guy’s house Brother Curtis. He breeds these dogs called American Eskimos. They are soooo cute!! It was so fun playing with them and the little puppies!!! After service we had a member lesson that went really well. The husband has been pretty inactive but it was a really good lesson and we talked about his mission and his wife’s mission. She is from the Philipines and she made some egg rolls which are called Lumpia and they were so dang good. We didn’t have dinner so it was a tender mercy for sure.
Friday night we’ve started playing Basketball and inviting our friends! We had like 4 or 5 non-members show up and a ton of members come too! We had probably 18-20 people there which was super sick. We had a ton of fun and shared a spiritual message afterwards. I also played really good haha so that felt nice being pretty small and being able to help the team a lot.
A few other things happened during the week but nothing too important. I found out last night that I will be leaving Tyler. I’m not gonna lie I was pretty crushed when I got the news. I’m excited to be DL in a Spanish area but I’m super sad to leave Tyler. It’s completely different building relationships with the members here because they’re all my age. They’re like my closest friends and leaving the stake presidency is gonna be really tough too. I’ve grown so close to them and it’s gonna be tough to leave. I’m also gonna miss institute like crazy though. I learn so much and it’s always so cool to see things from a different perspective. I’m trying to have a good attitute and have faith that the Lord needs me in McKinney. Even though I’m losing a lot of the things I want, I know I’ll be given the things I need. Hopefully I’ll be able to understand why the Lord needs me there and who I’m supposed to help. Until then, I love you all and wish you the best. Let me know if there is anyone I can pray for. I love you all. Muchos besos! And remember, God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good!
All my love
Elder Grubbs
